Tinder: Love, and other Lies

Yolo! I am back and better than ever, arf arf!  I am one busy dude lemme tell you. First, I dipped mine foot into the world of cyber dating on the worldwide web. My fellow mallworker Hamilton Técobell was telling me about this crazy new thig the youths are doing called Tinder. Hamilton works at Dress Barn and overheard about it from his manager Yvonne. Alls it is is a thig of where they take your fb profile pic and include your age and how many miles you are from peeps. If you think someone is un match of love (or friendship? I don't really get technology most of the time) you press that you like them and you can do a chat if they like you too. Since Hamilton and I only have Cricket cellys by AT&T we do Tinder and Instagram and Angry Birds at the public liberry. My Dell at home wont cut it. So Tinder. Oh it teks me back to AOL chatrooms (silly me, giving away mine age for all to see with that reference). Anyway, Tinder was a dirty lie! I did ereything right! All mine profile pictures were of Johnathon in his sunglasses and jean shorts. Duh, the women love puppies ammiright? I only got 3 bites?? I found it weird because the peepettes who liked mine pics had profile pics of Pikachu and that thing of un wolf meme? I couldnt really see what they looked like, but mebbe they were doing as me and drawing in menz by having a fun picture? That has to be the reason??? I chatted with the Pikachu and was essited to look at her other pics because she is un professional model! You should see this babe- she had tons of pics from her modeling gig at Forever 21! She said to call her Pikachu. What un character- she was even too shy to skype in person!  I really wanted to call her and arrange the date like a true genlmen but she doesn't even have a cellphone for to talk on. After I saw those pics I was all, look at me, dating un model! What good luck I had! Or. so. I. thought. She seemed all nice until Hamilton and I compared and we had made a date for the same lady! The noive! She had planned the same date  for both of us and everything! We were both going to meet her at a park at midnight. For some reason we also had to brang our checkbooks and social security cards because Pikachu's gramma is in trouble? I guess Gramma lives overseas and they will wire the money to her but then get double the money back because Gramma is un millionaire but just needs our life savings as investments. Whatever. P wanted to keep it so secret for some reason. Oh women and their romance! I felt like un catfitched fool and I admit, I slammed my bedroom door and cried on mine bed like un Jan brady when I found out I was bein 2 timed. But in the end I had to do the right thing and let Hamilton have Pikachu. He hasn't been on a date in 6 years. I need to cool my jets of being a ladees man and I still am a lil bad mood dude of the Deli romance. Sigh. I deleted Tinder and am ready to focus 110% on mine career at Bath & Body. I hope Hamilton is happy with Pikachu. The date is for this wednesday. I guess he will tell me about it when we have out tradition of lunch breaks at Sbarros. I guess in a way I was being Cupid I guess. So Tinder...no.