Vegas, Baby!

PS the above Pic is Criss Angel me thinks

        
This weekend has been all about me becoming un man. I got to go to Vegas! I know, how can I afford this expenditure, you may ask? Well when I had mine jobs, I bought some Class A tickets to Chris Angel 'Mind Freak'. You thought I wasn't apart of the magic crowd you say? That I am such un open book to enjoy the mysterious world of trixies and fancy pranks eh? You were WRONG! *chuckle. Anyway, Hamilton Tecobell  and I were going twosies on this trip, but of carse Hamilton wigged out at the last minute because Piccachu  from Tinder happened to steal all his savings (including retirement). I know that most people dont realize this... but you should prolly not wire money nor give out your pin number or social security number to un early love interest. Love may be blind... but it aint frugal! So I ended up driving with Jonathan to the City of Dreams. However, we encountered un slight prollem. I thought that I would be able to just go into un hotel and find un sensible room BAM! But the many ladies at the front desks told me that generally 'people' make 'reservations' during a 'busy' time of year. I had no idea it was a memorial day! I have no veterans in mine fam. Perhaps I can count Darlene? (Except she tells me she doesn't like me bringing up unmentionables on the internets but YOYO!) Anyway, 3 thigs happened that made this trip pretty random. I assidnetally got caught i the thing of the doors go round and round. I mean really, what is it the 80's?!? Havenet we found a better way of doing doors? Anyway John figured them out just fine but i got cafused and was caught for 13 recorded minutes until I got too tired and fell while being trampled by that wretched machine. Sheesh! I also did not know that I wasn't allowed to have that mini food of a bar? I thought they hand picked it for me. Who knew that room service wasn't free? I just thought the numbers next to the menu was the order #, not prices. Ike, ga ga guh. But back to the partay. I secretly led Jonathan to Chris Angel... That whole ordeal really changed mine life. I can't exactly essplain what happened (I feel like mine mind was wiped clean) and also un lady never reveals her secrets ;) Plus traffic was horrible, so I missed the first 57 minutes. But alas. That is all I will say about that. The next day, Jonathan and I ventured off into the strip. I must say I was rull popular. A lot of dancing youngsters holding beverages asked me to party (Unfortunately, after that little incident where I was accused of murder during the summer of '03, I dont party with strangers. But that is neither here but there.) I instead went to Serendipity to say This.Is.The.Life. With mine hoc choclac and the most esspensive icremm sundae in the world in the vicinity. Also we went to the M&M factory and spent a lot of Jonathan's trip money, but ya know? I am friggin worth it, demmit.

What not About?

Hello. I gotta say it has NOT been the life. My recent unemployment has made me force myself to get un roommate to help pay the rents. My landlord has been KILLER. I am a bad mood dude. Cuz 1. My roommate is harrible and B) I really just want that thing of eating whatever you want without gaining weight, and also that elusive emotion called love. I mean, the heart wants what the heart wants. I can't help that mine heart beats with the beat of the drum and that my drum has a beat no one can hear (perhaps I can make my flirtations include poetry?). And the sad thing is, my roomie wants to do that thing of being single and going out on the town since women are " a friggin ball and chain" and my back prollems/emotional wedgie (ssss) wont let me go out. His name is Loreal. French or sumsing? He is also a friggen abercrombie model. He looks like Chad Kroeger (that one hunk from Nickelback). Like he can afford to call women prison wardens. I myself have not been so lucky, so when I do that to their faces, they just look at me all disgusted and leaving red hand marks across mine face. Lucky Loreal. He also is a master of disguise ;). Sometimes in the midday when I'm here with Jonathan and Loreal is at his job, I do the filthy act of burping on Loreal's toothbrush cuz all Jonathan barks about is 'Loreal this' and 'Loreal that' cuz Loreal needs to be taken down a notch (with his fancy mystery job and always pressed silken boxers/shirts). I axe myself what job because he hasnt paid his rent since he said he is 'following hims dream' and is a victim of check fraud, but seems to still be a un victim after 6 years. Ah well. I consider mineself un good samirtan. Loreal also promised he would pay the rent, and he offered to dry clean my special suit after wearing it thrice for his business ventures. And that since I will buy all the groceries for the next three months he will for sure do it for the next three after that. Also if I picked un fight with him over the love of Jonathan he would kick mine butt. I have to be honest here... I can't even do the #2 in front of him. Heck, I have to go down the street at midnight when all the people out there want my body to relieve myself. I need un new roommate! One that does not do that thing of pointing at your shirt and saying 'whats that' and you looking all innocent and cafused down at your shirt but then him flicking you in the nose. Hogwash!

Splash... and Other Musings

   Hey y'all. So it has become rather steamy where I live.  I have had to slowly remove most of my 12 layers of clothes to be able to function at all! Also the hit show 'Splash' where you find out that in fact Kendra is just. like. you. is on mine mind all the time! Everything is going according to plans, as per uje. Unfortunately Jonathan has been getting weirdly more attached than usual (he esspects me to bring him a hot water bottle for his bowels at all hours of the day now) so I have had to stay home to take care of him, the lil' devil. Ah well. I chose this!
    Okay by now I am feeling guilt. I atchally didn't choose to stay home with Jonathan all day. I know I seem like the tough lovin' guy, but in reality, I'm just a sponge. Truth is... I was fired. Yes. From the ol' B&BW. Apparently they said I harrassed customers, that I was 'being' ridiculous and embarrassing to the 'company' because I routinely left Cinnabon tracks around the cash register (among other things, my boss said. Whatevs fool.) Luckily I left with all my dignity, but I burst into tears as soon as I left the store. I was so upset I even forgot to pick up my usual 8 ranchins doritos locos tacos, which is a travesty unto itself. Now all I ask myself is... What to do? I really have no career goals (there was a time where I vaguely remember a neighbor exploiting my talent for tap dancing and telling me i was bred for it in my single digits, but that is neither here but there) I guess now I am feeling regrets of quitting my day job at the office for B&BW... I mean there was that one time someone said I could be a hand model in Japan, but really that wouldn't do mine unique and good looks justice. I just want to eat beggnetts in mine apartment all day with no shame. And Jonathan is no help, he is practically disabled with his irritable bowel syndrome, so he is contributing NOTHING. Sigh. Where is un woman when you need one? Mebbe though love aint in the cards for me... perhaps I should find my 'mojo'... yeah! my 'MO-JO'. I will take that de-caf please ssss. Look at me. Joking around and keeping things loose while the end of my world is near. I can deal with being unemployed for un time. Although the economy is bad? I would prolly just be wasting my time? I need some R&R + TLC (sss hip). ME time here I come!