Bad Mood, DUDE!

What a day. I have a cafession- I am sick of summer weather and I don't care who knows it! I guess I just had one a those days. Let me essplain. So last time we chatted I cafessed (ok, bragged) that Extreme Makeover had picked me as a catestant for to get a Extreme Makeover. I was all bravado about how I'm actually too hamsome and it was all a joke about how me and ol Tecobell was secretly filming me for to get me a big break even though I actually don't need a Extreme Makeover. But....I.was....lying. It's so hard to say but there, I cut through all the drama and cafessed. The truth is, up until last week I had been filming that show for 7 months. I did not let on for they had me sign a iron clad caffession of how I could not spill the beans. Pssshhh, Hollyweird at it's usual. Well I kept telling the host Chris Powell of how I was fine and he didn't have to check up on me like a baby, jeez, but really I was the first contestant to gain more weight in the history of EM. I was stressed all right! I DARE someone else in my same life of being in my shoes to challenge this. I DARE them! So they cut me out of the show and said to pretend this never happened. Ha! Amateurs! Of course I will air this injustice! They just need to cut peeps more slack and give them second chances! It's like be cool for once! Ever since then I have just been a bad mood dude. Today I went to my fav chinee restauarant and ordered a steaming bowl of beef noodles to go. I also bought mine favorite coldstone treat of PB&C  and planned to eat it outside. Boy was that a mistake. The to -go container spilled all over my pants, scalding my unmentionables! Luckily I was outside a mall so I burst in screamig for help and assidentally tripped over a leash connected to a stroller. Good news of the baby only had a bruised foot of where I landed on her, and the dog was ok, just a little shocked of almost being strangled. I called 911 and waited peshintly outside. Of course my pants was split and these cruel emo teens were making fun of me.

Extreme Makeover: ME Edition

Hey everyone! I know you all have been so desperate to hear from me... It's like I waltzed off the face of the earth or sumsing. Relax and take un chill pill sss. Recently I have been in the highs and lows of life. I am still currently unemployed, but rully I don't get why everyone complains about it. I have to learned to love it. I bessically live off the birthday moneys from mine fam, as well as the child support I receive, so all I say is, who needs work? Jonathan has even trained himself to empty the trash and clean the toilets! I wonder sometimes if it is normal for dogs... to automatically have a preference for Lysol? What would I do without him. He is like that thing of un fish that ride on sharks for to hitch a 'ride to new york city' (sss mine time off lets me get into classic rock). He gives me advice on all my finances and the ladeez and stuff. He even got me to enquire into Extreme Body Makeover for fun! These are peeps on the youtubes that do makeovers on unsuspecting (but grateful) goblins and then give them something to live for! I know you are thinking: Why would I need un makeover! Twould just be un makeunder me thinks sss. I figure it will help their viewings if they were forced to help an already dashing and prepared man, who just has had to deal with sensitive prollems which keep him from finding un ladee friend. Nothing about being out of shape or eating 11 Doritos Locos Tacos everyday. The problem is, someone else has to nominate you. I enlisted the help of Doreen. She however always crosses herself when I bring my caputer to her apartment, so she is done! Hamilton Tecobell then seemed the best option. So we pretended that he would secretly film me while explaining why I would need that thing of un makeover! First, we went to get my usual Cinnabon in the early morn, and I acted like un unsuspecting goblin. I must say, my behind looked rather good and lush in these new pants from GoodWill (sorry sorry, back to mine story). But then he tried filming me in the comforts of my home, even to when Jonathan was busy cleaning the kitchen while I watched The Vineyard. I guess it was good at the time, it showed how I truly look nice at all hours of the day. We sent it to Extreme Makeover peeps, and I was so thrilled to get un email from them the next day! I must say though... they must have been a little daunted with the challenge of moi? They said something about how they cannot support the 'enslavement of animals' but I know that is just code for ' you are too hamsome for us'. What can I say? I  do try. There is un new shake weight at the walmart for half price... I guess I don't need it, but I am worth it demmit.