Thigs are lookeen up :)

So most of you are thinking that I was in a pretty sad mood of when she who must not be named was being a little devil to mine heart. BUT that is the last I will speak of this publicly. That is neither here but there. Anywhoo, I have been getting mine life back into the groove of things. Such as, I was working out at a hip new spa for that I found a thig of on groupon. It was a experience let me tell you. . I am just a normal American Dude and not trying to be a Europe guy or whatnot. 

I'm not much into the witchcraft of when peeps tell you that sugar is a drug or "bad" for "you"Jeez. Whatever, I have been eating a carnton of Parm goldfish crackers everyday and I can't start my day without em! I went for a consulltation at the workout gym and they were telling me thigs of how to lose weight. I guess I have a long road to fitness. I asked them litrally how long the road of fitness it would be if it was a real road and they said it was something of the road to perdition? Pssh whatever, I maybe say that it is the road of great wall of china. They also were saying I was confusing them of my daily eating routines of bacob and ramen and chicken wings and spaghetti o's and funyuns and begged me to go to the hospital asap... but my diet works for me and it is mine business. They also said that abs are found in the kitchen and not in the gym??? What the what??!? And they said I was cafusing to talk to!

The best news that I was saving for last is that I got a new job at....drum....roll........please...........Bath and Body Works! Besically I was in there last Saturday because I got a coupon in the mail of getting any wallflower and you would get a free peach candle. Peach candles are prolly around one of my more favorite candles these days I guess. I was in there and since they only had 50 candles per store it was a madhouse and long story short my leg got trampled by a crowd and then a pyramid display of Sweet Pea bruised my leg.

Anyway I was crying when they found me and I mentioned that this happened in the last lawsuit and they said that thing of lets make a deal because no need to bring the law into this and it was just a little scratch. I guess the manager was pretty impressed by my devotion or something because he offered me a part time job! I will be very busy of this and my office job, but it is worth it and I will prolly sneak J in so I can still be a good single dad. They wont even notice him since he barely makes a peep. Maybe put him in a backpack? I will have to use my brains to sneak him.

And my other job, I can just leave a lil early. It is so worth it because it such a happy place and I have been a fan since 1992 when I worked at the mall across from it as Hot Dog on a Stick. Haha, I still have mine uniform! Anyway, my body shape was not ezzactly a perfect shape for that uniform and I couldn't wear it and had to wear my Demonia Creepers (memember those?), Jincos, and my Chi-town bulls jersey. Ahh to be young again. My mom said they let me do it for she said she would sue hot dog on a stick for discrimination??? Anyway, my first day is tomorrow! First item of business is to ax my boss if the real name is Bathroom and Body Works or is it just urban legend??? Wish this dude luck!

Cafessions of a Broken Heart...:(

Yep. The pic says it all. The only difference between me and that boy is the he...wears a backwards hat and I wear fedoras only. Ok. So you are all prolly pretty peeved at me for not giving you the play by play 100% scoop on valentimes day. Lemme essplain how this was the worst day of mine life (catagory:the department of love. I guess my real worst day was when I was the victim of an online kidnapping ring 3 years ago and was missing for 7 months. But that is neither here nor there). Ok. On the eve of valentimes J and I went to Burlington Coats for to be in mine own pretend makeover show. I did that thing of tossing hats to John and running through all the clothes playing hide and seek and throwing all the ties in the air like of "Model Behavior" (coincidentally mine 4th favorite movie to watch on Valentimes day). It all came to a end when I was clotheslined by a clothes rack. I have to wear a ace bandage on my throat to this day! Then I went to Walgreens and bought my "lady" all the spoils- merfume, Russels Snoopy chocolates, a talking stuff aminal that sings ( a litttle Party Aminal you know??), and roses. Not even the stupid kind that die all the time but the beautiful plastic kind that last un lifetime....just as my love would last...or. so. I. thought. I went down to the grocery store to surprise mine love and wham! Her uncle boss was saying that I was "harassing" "her" and "I" had "to" "leave". My Juliet at the deli was horrible at communication and told me that we were never really more than a customer and Delicateness! Well, her uncle boss told me that. My ex girlfriend had actually never spoken to me essept for to say "what can I get for you" and other business terms. How could I have been so stupid! I guess that whole time I was sitting next to her at the cash register and she said nothing I just thought she was a good listener and too shy because of how I am hamsome and can be a charming Romeo! When I found out I threw all of the prezzies on the ground and stormed out and even let J pee on the rug by the redbox (although I did go back for the party aminal). Sigh. Humiliations! I was so depressed that I took J to McDons and ordered 4 extra large big mac meals. I started to cry "too loud" and was esscorted out, but I make no apologies. I have fresh tears as I write this now. Real men are not afraid to cry, thank you very much. I was a mess for 5 days. I did that thing of I saw on tv of how you buy Ben and Jerrys and watch chick flicks?? I even complained to J of how men are pigs and amoebas on rats like in Grease but it did not make me feel better so I do not really understand why people do this for break ups? I tried one last thing of eating a bite of every Snoopy Chocolate and then throwing the heart box it at un tv of a  soap opera. But no use, mine heart felt like a pancake. So sad. My boss said I finally have to go back to work tomorrow. I suppose I should shower. I haven't shaved in these days and I even have 2 hairs on mine chin. What un mess :'( Then again, mebbe I was in denial and was trying to love happen and be forced. I guess I will be ok and will just take a break from love for a loooong time. Mebbe get some roadtrips in with mine boy John you know???- Syanara, un broken hearted dude

January Blues

I know what you think when you read the title of this post and trust me-it's not what you think! It's not just the same old talk of January.

 No no, I am just writing about how depressing and horrid this wretched enchantress January is :'( I just can't seem to feel rested, my 14 hours of sleep a day are not even enough! I slug into work all in a bad mood dude, and I guess my boss is having a prollum since I have "an attitude" "of" that thing of not doing work or showering  for work. Ugg! What's the point of showering? And brushing teeth makes my gums hurt too bad. I should sue for discrimination! Why can't work just see me about me instead of some sex symbol of having to look like a movie star?? Don't people get how hard winter is for me?? I fancy myself a human bear that needs hibernation! Watch out- I am also a cuddly teddy bear also lolol.

Anyways, so the love sitch-I do have a girlfriend, but we have only had dates of me visiting her every night at her job of the deli. Is this how normal things with the ladies are these days??? I need love advice of Dr. Philip?? Well I AM counting down to Valentimes Day I guess. It's not going to bust my chops this year! Arf arf! I think I will buy the old girlfriend a diamond! I can get another credit card from the Shane Company mebbe?? I do need a new computer too. Is it weird for dudes to get their own prezzie for Valentime's?? Or is it me being a macho pig for assuming that Valentimes if just for woman?? Being a boyfriend makes my brain hurt lol!

 I need a new computer basically because I assidentally was eating chocolate chips in bed while watching tv on my laptop. I spilt the bag and it melted everywhere when I fell asleep. In all the vents of the computer and stuff. I hate how I always get bad luck like that! Whatever. Well I have to go to bed now since I have to "be on time for" work because my company is having a Biggest Loser contest. I have to weigh myself nekked in the office storage room tomorrow so they know I'm not cheating. I'm so sick of hollyweird getting in everyone's head! I am me and I love me for me! No more resolutions! No more trying to be the next Jared of Subway! I want to love me and eat the foods that make me feel good! I dont like to share my personal life, but yes, I am what some peeps would say as big boned. And yes my doc is always saying that thing of how a normal human does not have the body shape of a perfect  tortilla chip...but who cares! My soul is all that matters!

 Anyways, at least January is half over. Now on to my nightly episode of Rosanne!

Christmas!!!!!

Hello and Mervy Christmas!
Wow what a morn! I mean, I subtimes have to pich myself to know that this is really not a dream of love or a movie allright? Mine sweetheart is always doing that thing of when she is always working to  get me the best prezzies! I couldn't even get her out from behind her counter to see un romanic movie! It's that one of the tale as old as time of Billy Crystal and that woman and it's like they are friends.....oh ya, "Parental Guidance!" Prolly his best work, even above "My Giant"....(a pun on words of above a giant :)

Mine sweetheart has been working nonstop to get rid of money troubles... I told her I would glady split my 23 thou and help her with it, but she always gets into un tizzy and says things of how its her problem and that she doesnt need any help from anyone cuz then that will get her into more debt and make me un liability (or sumsing, she is the brains of this love machine)! what un independent women! No making me un sammich (essept if Im un customer at the deli).

I am still waiting on her prezzie to me...I had to essplain to her that she can just say YOLO and get un credit card because they will pay your debts for you! My $23 thou doesn't add up to much, but with my credit cards I can live like a king and just buy everything I want! I don't get why adults are always being like, "my bills!" What a downer. This huge secret of life is just looking them in the face!

Geez, anyway, last night I went over to my neighbor Darlene's for Christmas Eve. She said I could come I guess if I really had nowhere else to go but I probably wouldn't even have fun anyway but I guess you could come. Such a jokie! She is deaf so everything was written on a white board. I bought Jonathan a nice reindeer sweater when they are playing soccer together on my company credit card and showed him off at Darlene's! Only this bozo named "Phillip" was "deathly allergic" to my "dog" and had to excuse himself from the game of charades, me thinks just as un excuse to hit Jonathan with his blind stick. People these days. Just because you are blind doesn't mean you are above animals! I think he is rull mad that his lady friend had ended things just days earlier and saw (sensed???? smelt?????) un helpless soul in the room and took out all his anger! How are he call himself a relative of that classy lady known as Darlene! Grumpy Cat!

So I took my famous Devil eggs over to contribute to un feast. No Grich here! John helped me chill them. I missed mine sweatheart so I did that thig of blowing breath on all the window and drawing hearts with my fingers. What can I say Im a hopeless romanic. We had tons of awesome foods: ham, jellos, meatballs, lil smokies, bacob, cake pops, peanut butter...it was like that romanic song of "Muskrat Love" of when they were nibblin on bacon, chewin on cheese. Subtimes, being in love is just as hard as being alone because when you have a woman who is in debt for 30,000 dollars to her "uncle" and she works 24/7 365 days....sigh.

But, I like to think of us of having un timeless love like the muskrats. Like we are always walking on air, wearing un bow tie and flirty dress, dancing on peeps shoulders. Anyway, we played games into the wee hours of the night--- my sleeping habits didn't catch up with me for once! It was truly a debacle. I was even awake longer than all of Darlene's relatives, up until 2 in the morn! I kept asking Darlene questions, even when she was being vague and said it was none of my business so I always was moving on to different subjects, because, what can I say, Darlene is my idol! It was weird, the electricity went out just as I was about to ask Darlene for her war journals, and I had to take Jonathan home to get a night's rest.  She said that thing of how tomorrow is family only and goodnight, but I think that was just for guests who cant take a hint and invite themselves over. So ham dinner today!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgCk3bnvO5Y

Happy Anversy!!!

 
Happy Anversry to me, Happy Anversry to me!!!!! Heeelllloooo! It's been a  year and I have a little over 150 whole blog views! And prolly only 97 are me! This thing has really tekkin off! So many have asked me what does the name of "7 Impossible thought before Breafext" even mean??? Well, the reason I started mine very blog is because I have so many profound, deep, organic, original thoughts. Many in fact, and ironically, before breafast. Such as, "Whatever happened to Amelia Earheart?" "Can love move a mountain?" "What does the wind say when she cries?" "Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?" "Why Sampson love Delilah?" "Did un captain of titanic cry?" "Why aren't you here with me??" ....Ah, someday I'll know. So to all the followers out there, "Say, la vi." And to the haters, get out of my life and get a life! This life is the only one we have, and suntimes you have to roll with un punches of life itself. Who cares if you're all by yourself and have crippling loneliness and shattered dreams of life?? I have the lungs, life, and Johnathon and dreams. Who knows, mebbe one day i'll be famous? But I atchully would hate being famous for it is not true happiness and that thing of you forget the little people. Alas, happy one year to me!!!!

The fires of love

A Christmas Miracle indeed! I cannot belive mine own eyes! It's like my heart was run over by a car yesterday. I was feelig like, what the heck, ok? The world was making me be the doormat and rubbing its boot in my face. Really, I am usually very private about my love life and daily struggles of love. Essept when I go through a break up, but I am a human, jeez! Anyway, last night I was so depressed about my most recent love rejection of 3 weeks ago that I had forgotten to buy my daily carton of goldfish crackers. John and I eat them like most peeps get bread or melk so I have to buy a carton a day (and not those weeny tiny bags, the gallon ones). Essept John's dr. (I call him Dr. doolittle arf arf...my little joke!) said that J can't eat them anymore since they give him gas and the preservatives are enlarging his heart. Anywhoo, I was so sad that I just put on my robe and went to the store in my pajams. I got my goldfish and was walking by the deli when I slipped in a puddle of diet coke (my shoes are from European since my uncle got them in Mexico so the heel and pointy tip sometimes cause trouble). Well that was it, I started crying since my life was a day at the dump! Then the angel comes out from the deli counter and helped me up. It was love at first sight! Like a million bandaids on my ex permanant broken heart! I will keep this private and not tell her name since you never know what weirdos are surfing the web these days. We are going on a date tomorrow and bessically talked the whole night over the deli meat that they didn't sell that day. I feel like when that thing of Wilbur can talk on Charlotte's Web! I even tried to do that same leg kick he does but I assidentally knocked over my christmas tree and pulled a hammy so John had to go for help. I have to use crutches again. Good thing I bought them since the dr. is always saying I don't "need" them. Whatever. But I don't care since I'm in LOVE! Tomorrow our date will be at the Deli since she is working off her $30,000 debt to her uncle of the owner of the store and has no time off or pay. But I will probably wear a tux and surprise her with fresh carnations! What a day! What a life! Just when everything was so hopeless my life long dream falls into my lap!

Jack Frost nipping at your heart

So love...no. I have had another issident of where I was turned down for love. It is just not that fair! I mean I am a good catch! A cad! I even remind myself of Lincoln! Johnathon is even Tad of where I carry him on my back all the time! The similarities are endless! I just feel like mine heart was scooped out like a melon. No more feeling like top dog on campus! These cold winter months are horrible on the old heart. I have even tried to take hobbies of puzzlemaking, crossstitching, and making nachos! All done on un single Saturday night, thank you very much.P.s. crosstitiching makes me frusstrated and I assidentally ripped the cloth in half and gave my finger a string cut after trying to rip the thread.  I hate trying to fill my hours! I look around and think, what more can I do to keep myself busy??? Life is truly hard when you have to think all day of how to entertain yourself. I know, a very sad life indeed. I just sit in my toasty house and eat all weekend while doing hobbies. Sad, but don't feel bad for me! I am un fighter!  I just feel like Jack Frost not only nips on your nose but also your own heart! Oh, life is truly not like a song of love you hear on the radio these days. How many years do I have to be so lonely!???? I'm glad that Johnathon cannot read this blog and can only looks at the pictures (until he lost his privileges by eating the buttons on 3 laptops. I swears, if he does it again he loses his computer time!) He is a fambly member, but I want love of the human kind. I guess I can try the old world of online dating? I wish I could just find love like on the movies. Too many times for to watch "You've Got Mail"...oh well. I guess it is back to wearing my black cape of despair. I would like to call into work for a broken heart, but I will not let the old team down! They don't mind when I have a hard time of love and need to go to the office without showering or even take a blanket and needing time of sitting on my coworkers floor while they talk me through life. So love:1, goodman: 0.....love really is the loneliest number...I finally get that song.