Thanksgibbing

Thanksgibbing.

Ah what a time! What a time to be alive! Let me take you through a typical thanks gibbing holiday at mine house! 

I go to mother's house with Jonathon and just hang loose on turkey day. I'm an only child so it's just me and the rents and maybe maybe uncle Tab. I am not a man that just vegges in front of fooseball. Oh no. I like to surprise mother by going up behind her for a hug while she is in the middle of taking the turkey out of the oven. I help in the kitchen by being a support of her biggest cheerleader (not like a costume, it is that thing of a figure of speech).

 I also like to taste test all of the foods before they are out of the table. I get so essited that I can't even finish chewing before giving mother another hug! She always does that teasing thing of, "Quit chewing in mine ear!" and hitting me with a fly swatter. I hit her back last year with a wet towel, but I assidentally sliced her cornea and we ended up in the ER. She was fine, but I learned a valuable lesson of pranks. 

Anyway, where was I?? Oh ya! We have a feast and mine mom and pops even let J eat from the table! He has his own plate and a bib of course, just like the rest of us! I learned my lesson last year of trying to make him be trained like Beethoven in the movies where he steals the turkey, but he wouldn't do it! I now  just try to appreciate him for him. 

I was reading the news on the World Wide Web itself and was outraged that workers have to work at midnight for Black Friday??? Why so late? Some of us want to buy our sammich makers and dvds right after mother makes us dinner! Come on! I love black friday myself. I love the savings! I get so many good deals of things I really need. In mine opinion it is worth the debt of going to Check City for an advance! I mean, think of all the money I'm saving on these valuable treasures! I have an eye on maybe going to Walgreens or Tarjay for a big screen tv (for Jonathan). 

I recently thought of a brilliant idea to make work easy. I fool everyone by wearing slippers to work instead of "real" shoes! They are black terry cloth and when I wear then with black nylon socks and a baggy suit no one notices!I  Thank you Burlington! I shall make a trip on B.F. to buy my year's supply! I love the holidays because it is the time of year to think of gifts all the time! What do I want? What do I need?? I love this time of year!  Ho ho ho, Happy Holidays!

Halloweenie, Halloweenie!

   Put yo hands up! Halloweenie is HEEREEEE! Pardon my theatrics, my guidance counselor Bob Budvuts said to try something new and go out of my comfort zone, which I have decided to make my mantra for All Hallows Eve. I cannot even go into detail of the love I have for this holiday and this season. I even got to attend a chili potluck/halloween party... Jonathan and I prepared my mamaw's secret chili recipe, that includes exotic flavors. But alas, the mini mart down the street didn't have the ingredients needed.... needless to say, thank goodness that potluck was anonymous! Anyway, Jonathan and I showed up in these adorable costumes, we nearly won but lost to a father and son duo dressed up as someone named Honey Boo Boo and what looked like to be a hippo in a halter dress? What in the sam hill is society up to nowadays? Jonathan and I nearly stole the show in matching jester costumes. I believe it was rigged! I honestly think people get jealous when they realize you are a formidable river dancer... All the people on my block that were there all knew of my reputation, and my flexible knees and have been jealous since last spring's talent show... but anywho...
       I read an article on the healthiest halloween candies to give out to the childrens approaching my door for un trick (perhaps I could try that thing of when you fill oreo cookies with toothpaste? blasphemy, but un good laugh) or un treat. Apparently the healthiest is Reeses, or really anything with peanut butter because of the healing properties it has with intestinal sores and the protein offered in the healthy sample of peanut butter. I want to be that thing of when you are hip with the times and concerned with the rising epidemic of obesity for children! I am practically a parent! (and a brother, and a husband, and a guidance counselor, and a BFF, really everything when it comes to Jonathan).

The Sniffles :(

This weekend has taken a turn for the worse. Because I am ill like that one thing of when there is a sister's keeper and she fights and her body and her sister is dying of cancer. It really taught me... that Cameron Diaz is truly past her prime. Anyway, in addition to being over taken by extreme allergies, while I was at my friend's rave I squirted glow stick in my eye! I know, ME?! At un rave? Relax peeps (heheheh my friend Dominic repeatedly said that when he was offering people special cake he made. Oh to be hip like Dominic and wear dream catchers!). I only stayed for about 20 minutes, and most of that was me rinsing out my eye in the bafroom and calling Jonathan on the phone to tell him to unlock the door since I was coming home soon. And imagine, I caught Jonathan doing that thing of when you had made comfort food just in case the rave didnt turn out as you planned and was wolfing it down while watching the Reba episode you had paused for to be depressed! So I did that rare thing of called discipline... I made him massage my shoulders. I am sure you are wondering how I got Jonathan to do all these things? Well young grasshoppers (Dominic!) 'tis a little wonder called youtube. In fact as I am afflicted with this infernal disease I am watching a pleasing little video of a shaved Chihuahua! How adorable. I have already showed my coworkers this video last week right before they were supposed to eat lunch in their cubicles! I have been also toying with the fact of getting un dog companion for Jonathan.... perhaps the fact that I find this video so adorable it is a sign from the universe? Well I must go, I have made the mistake of taking an entire bottle of Children's Ibuprofen. It's hilarious when Jonathan distracts me at CVS and I get the wrong meds!

Helller!!!!

All this talk of love had me thinking...STOP, I need a break to think more about myself! I am always thinking of others, it's time to do more for ME. I decided to take a break from thinking of love. I swears, it's like a cuckoo bird is always flying around my head like a cartoon essept it is a cupid (the one of when he wears a diaper like a cartoon movie.) I did away with cupid and  decided to treat myself by seeing a flick that can never fail in the humor department (drum roll please): Tyler Perry and Madea!!! What a hoot! It even made me forget about having to take out a second mortgage on my house to afford a bucket of popcorn- prices these days! (I kid, I kid! I think seeing such a funny movie rubbed off some comedy on me). If you have never seen a Tyler Perry film then you are missing out!!! Luckily in mine own estimation there are at least 64 Madea movies, so just dive right in! (I like to dive right in alphabetically, as I do own most of them and like to review them on a regalar basis). Madea herself is a hoot! I love learning about different cultures in the film. And the make up and colorful costumes!! They are such inspiring and true to life dramas! I admit that I didn't know much about how people act in the South, but now I have a very vivid and clear perception that will never change. Almost like a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of culture or something! All thanks to Tyler Perry! I love that thing of when they have so many characters that look like twins but they have different costumes and gender! How did Tyler find all those people? Whoever plays Madea, well that woman is a genius! (she and Tyler Perry must be soul mates or something! I wonder if they are good friends off the set??)  They also taught me valuable lessons in the love department! Name a life lesson and it's covered! Greed, lust, abuse, that thing of when you can do bad all by yourself....everything! One last plug- these movies should get un Oscars for Best Picture! Such strong dialogue and plot lines. Very powerful stuff. Sigh. Can you tell that they are one of my passions?? Anyway, go out and see the latest one of the Witness Protection (or should I say Witless Protection-those white peeps are clueless  LOL ;) And if you love the movies you will love the stage plays. 4 hours of singing and high pitched bickering of Madea and her friends!  My only complaint about these films is that they are all only just over 3 hours- way too short!

The Secret

I have just discovered the newest blockbuster movie hit to strike the old Self Help world itself. It is called "The Secret" (or maybe just Secrets, I can't memember and I left my book in the bathroom). You may wonder why I of all people need a self help manual. Why??? You may ask? I seem to have it all! A wonderful apartment to rent, fresh disability checks from my most recent work related assident, and I have a k-9 companion that really takes the cake (or should I say takes the chow arf arf). But lately my old love life has been a pebble in mine shoe. It's like that thing of the song "Kissed by un Rose" by Sting essept it's kissed by a black rose of sadness. Why should every human in the world and sometimes animals get true love all the time!?! It is one of life's many justices of not being fair! Is just wrong! I was fuming today while Jonathon and I made cookie brownies. It's an invention of that thing of when you make choco chip cookie dough and have J help by pounding it with his paws and then covering it with brownies. But watch out because J hogs licking un spoon! Anyway I am not proud of my anger of always having to do things with a dog companion (please, don't tell J). What can I say, you can take a man out of love, but you can't take the love out of the man. Le sigh. Many of you in the states may not have heard of The Secret yet. It is cutting edge philosophy where I have to just think about a parking space and it will appear  of thin air. I don't mean to spout mumbo jumbo jargon of feelings like a Freud. I just have to think about love and how I never get anything I want and then think about some good things of love and how I want to finally get a perfect woman but she may come if I make a list. So far, I can't think of anything essept she has to be a woman. And a human I guess. Love is in the air, and I would love to put on some sweaters and hot cocoa and sit by a fire. I saw that on a Pinterest one time of how people love the fall....but that is neither here but there. Anyway, I will tell you how this book of tricks works in my life! It has only been 30 minutes, but I'm pretty sure I have mastered it. I have always been advanced for my age group. At boys camp I was even in charge of helping with crafts and being a boss of kids. I am what they write about in the passeges, essept I need a little more time with the whole money, relationships, and power job part. Alas....

Dolphin Tales

What a powerful movie that touched me (the good touch). The most important thing is that Winter the "dolphin" does her own stunt work. Arf arf! I love when animals are good examples to humans! It's like that thing of when they can teach us lessons about about life without speaking English, but speaking animal! The worst part of the movie was the blood scene of when the tale was ripped off. Waaaay too gross. Winter should not have let that scene in the movie because it's really hard for people to see and she really shouldn't think only of herself (I don't know if people know this, but I read somewhere that dolphins are girls only(( just like kittens and doves)). Anyway, I want to go to an aquarium so I can help animals by watching their every move in a small tank with lights and no privacy! I want to have a sleepover there like in the movie and talk about how dolphins are people. I also want to play the harmonica to a dolphin. Not a romance way, just as chums. Also when Winter was sitting with girl on a lounge floatie! Hilario! The boy with freckles had a good point too. And the Pa! Why are Pa's in movies always sooo wise??? This movie was so aspiring that I even want to start dressing like un "Surfer Dude". I'm such a goof! I want un necklace like the girl that have a wooden dolphin with hemp chain. I've always loved that look, but been too nervous to pull it off. Not anymore! A funny I have been saving for just un momento: What did Cinderella Dolphin wear to the ball??? A glass flipper! Cowabunga dudes (and dudettes of course!)

Sunrise, Sunset

Let me feel you in on some deets of my life. First, I did not actually get transferred as I was worried about in my last post. The funny things is, I had my box of work notions all packed and was trying to balance it on my knees as I rode the Stairlift, when BOOM!!!! I assidentally fell and hit my two front teeth on the concrete stairs and got a black eye. Also, some unmentionable areas were bruised to a pulp (pardon my french, I am blushing). Anyway, Martha my secretary heard me crying (on assident- I am still a man) and they had to rush me to the ER. What a day! I even got to cut in front of a dog bite victim (I'm glad Jonathon is not a violent pet). Anyway, I told my job I would sue and BINGO! HR said that this would be our little secret and that I can stay if I don't tell any lawyers about my assident (I hope lawyers aren't reading my blog as I speak. That would be bad.) What glorious news! I just can't be within 35 ft of Sasha. This new lease on life has made me glad to be me and free of any stupid romance! Who needs love! A man just needs a dog and the arts! I recently viewed the play: "Fiddler on the Roof" and indeed learned many life lessons from the character Pa about how sometimes you have to be ready for love to make the right decision. I even went to the local jewelry box store to buy a music box of Sunrise, Sunset. It is a melancholy tune that describes mine very heart. It also taught me of how sometimes you have to follow your heart about love even if someone is not Jewish like you! Alas, I don't need this stupid chemical that they call love. I know, ME a hopeless romanic! But I am renouncing love. No more of that devastating sass from Cupid. No more crying tears of pure torture. No more rejection or even trying. Because I realized something. I AM ME, that's who! I shall fall in love with myself and only focusing on giving Jonathon a good home. More quality time with him and my hobbies. I even took him to my new cooking class for fun! The students loved him! (essept for my stupid teacher). He did that thing of when Beethoven stole a ham from the table! Anyway, I am un single and NOT wanting to mingle. I feel bad for those cursed by fake love. Se La Ve.